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Alaska, home of the Inuit and a prime location for selling snow to the Eskimos was set up a few years ago to service the growing need of online snow sales for the Inuit community of Alaska. Although research had clearly indicated that there was in fact no need at all for such a service this meant that if even the remotest need was ever discovered then this was clear growth from a starting point of zero. And as no serious canvassing of Eskimo snow purchasing tastes had ever been carried out then the assumption that there was no need could be considered flakey.

And so it was that Tarko, our CEO, set about establishing himself as the world's first international Snowbroker. Start up capital was raised when his grandmother sadly passed away and left him a cats' home in her will.

Eskimo with snow blocks in Alaska

Initially, securing any reliable source of snow through the world's refrigerated haulage firms proved tricky as the general perception was that there would never be any orders. However, the fact that there would certainly never be any commercial interest in such a product also meant it was a surefire risk-free offering that any company to add to their portfolio without any fear of ever being made to deliver.

Once this reality dawned upon the fledgling trade then the supply end of the international snow trade quickly became saturated and, with no actual demand for the product, prices were set to plummet.

Just as many were getting cold feet about losing money on a product that had no intention of ever supplying in reality, a new supplier emerged within the already crowded Siberian supply ring. The mineral export company of Rurik, offering comet-enriched snow from the plains of Tunguska, entered the market with tankers of snow at a cool $1 millions a shot.

An Eskimo snow buyer

At almost the same time as this strange new player in the global snow trade had emerged then the Holy Grail of Eskimo snow selling reared its head in a remote part of Alaska. A completely unknown tribe of Inuits appeared from nowhere and began enquiring about the possibility of purchasing snow from Siberia.

As there were a wide range of snow prices available, matching up the buyers with a supplier at an agreeable price should have been straight forward, had it not been for the fact that every single Siberian snow supplier withdrew from the market overnight, bar one.

At the prospect of offering a simple Inuit tribe tanker loads of luxury snow at $1 million dollars many observers once again predicted the premature collapse of the global snow market.

Much to everyone's surprise, $1 million dollars for a single tanker of snow delivered from Siberia turned out to be a very agreeable price for these Eskimos and so Snow selling began in earnest. The shareholders, although completely perplexed as to the success of the venture (and just as perplexed at their decision to fund it in the first place) are all very happy with the company's performance as snow revenues continue to outstrip market predictions.

Indeed, many of the former Siberian suppliers sought to reenter the market, but having consulted with Rurik over their methods for success found that an insight into their unique business practices persuaded them to stay out of the game and not to interfere in such matters.

stockpiles of snow ready for selling to Eskimos

This single snow pipeline became so lucrative that the Siberians sought to expand their operation and merge with, buying into the company and asking Tarko to front the outfit as its respectable public face. Yakov was appointed as Rurik's representative in Britain and would work alongside Joshua Raven in managing the snow order process. This merger has proven to be highly successful and the success of the snow sales managed by has baffled even the most seasoned market analysts.

That is not to say that the organistaion has been devoid of criticism. Even from within there has been questions regarding the integrity of the Siberian suppliers. One member of staff became convinced that something sinister might be hiding behind some of the trade that was overseen by We do not seek to hide these concerns as the company is committed to a policy of trust and open honesty.

Safety first at Allington Point

We sincerely believe that the member of staff in question has now realised that their was nothing to be concerned about. Well we believe they would have thought this if they were here. This is all we are prepared to say on the matter, as it would be quite out of place to enter into too much speculation and conjecture until the coroner has delivered their verdict.

What became of our investigator in Siberia?

To demonstrate our complete openness, the company has even despatched an independent investigator to Siberia to fully explore all business practices at the Tunguska end of the operation.

Now that the wreckage of a plane has been confirmed by the Russian authorities as the same craft on which our investigator was traveling we are intending to continue our commitment and offer to send out any other investigators on the same basis.

A minor legal matter being tackled at our Head Office

We continue to uphold the highest levels of integrity and our CEO is happy to take any members of the public or any journalists on a full unrestricted tour of our facilities and answer any questions at all over our business methods. Unfortunately this offer is temporarily unavailable as Officers from Scotland yard have sealed off our Banstead office and the processing plant in Kent while they ask their own questions.

Our CEO, Tarko, is currently away from the office and no-one is sure as of yet when he will be back, but as soon as he does return to the company I am sure he will be happy answer all questions regarding what has been a slightly turbulent time for the company during its readjustment period.

The investigative writer, Christian Cook, skulking round in Imber. Now what's he doing nosing round there.

The writer, Christian Cook, has been closely following the company since its launch and his account of the history of, 'Nix Ex Machina' (literally: Snow from the Machine), will be availble shortly.

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